I haven't ever talked about it but I have chosen to do the Birth Boot Camp for my child birth education class. I am really excited about it and start in just a couple weeks!
Anyway, she wrote a blog post about unsolicited advice about pregnancy and birth. I thought it was awesomely interesting and wanted to share :) Enjoy!
http://class.birthbootcamp.com/carynwestdyk/?page_id=12
Say what? What to do with unsolicited advice.
It’s inevitable. The moment you announce you are pregnant, people around you will have an opinion. Everyone wants to give their opinion from your pregnancy choices to birth choices to parenting choices. Each person is certain they are right and you must listen to their wisdom! What is a new parent to do with all of this advice, whether solicited or not?
I’ve been thinking back to when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Oh that seems to be so many moons ago, but really it was only about 8 years ago! In the past 8 years I have learned so much about pregnancy, birth and parenting as I have lived through it, through experiences both good and bad. You learn from your mistakes, you pick up and move on. I have thought about all of the “bad advice” I was given as a new Mom to be. Please do not misunderstand my tone in this. I am not trying to say that these people were bad or trying to steer me wrong. I believe they all had very good intentions, but just may have been ill informed. I will highlight my top 8 “bad advice” given and what I have learned through trial and error.
2. Just trust your Doctor. He/She only has your best interest in mind.
I know if you know me well enough or have been following my blog, you know that I am NOT anti-Doctor. I have an amazing Doctor that I love and trust completely now. Unfortunately, not all Doctors do have your best interest in mind. My first Doctor did not. When I look back to my first two cesarean births, I see that they were both performed in the 6:00 hour, quitting time so to speak. I don’t believe that had anything do with my best interest, but rather my Doctor’s best interest. There are plenty of other things I could list where she did not act in my best interest throughout my pregnancy and deliveries. But I won’t bore you with those details. The bottom line is this: not all Doctors are acting in your best interest, so you need to be educated and ready to fight for the birth you desire! You need to be your own advocate and know what you do and don’t want. If you don’t feel that your Doctor (or Midwife for that matter) is on the same page as you and your partner, it may be a good idea to find a new one! That is why education early on in your pregnancy is so important. Know the pros and cons of everything and decide early on what matters to you in your birth. Because it is YOUR birth, not your provider’s birth! Remember that.
3. Just get an induction! You can decide the day that your baby is born.
Oh man, if there was ever a bad advice given, this would be it. Just say no to induction unless it is truly medically necessary (which more often than not, it is not!) A big baby is not a reason for an induction. Going past your estimated due date is not a reason for induction (unless you are at 42 weeks or more.) Yeah, I get that pregnancy is a pain at the very end, quite literally. I remember how unbelievably miserable I was three days before my “due date” with my first baby. I was done and didn’t want to be pregnant a day longer. Of course I jumped the first second my Doctor even mentioned the word induction! The truth of the matter is, had I waited just a little bit longer, my baby may have come on his own and I may have avoided that first cesarean. Induction will not work if the baby is not ready to come yet, plain and simple. I get it. We are impatient, tired, and just plain ready when it comes to the very end. Just hang on a little bit longer there mama. No one has ever been pregnant forever! I promise!
4. Just go ahead and get the epidural right away. Why go through any of the pain if you don’t have to?
With my first, I never felt a single contraction. I was given the epidural even BEFORE I was officially induced! I was just lying in bed all day waiting for things to happen. Unfortunately, from what I have learned now, that was a bad idea. Even if you plan to have an epidural, it is best to wait until a little bit later in labor to get it. My Doctor says to wait until 5-6 cm dilated. It is often disputed whether or not the epidural can physically slow down labor progress. I won’t get into all that. The fact of the matter is that lying on your back all day can certainly slow down the labor progress! If you have the epidural early on, you are limited in your movement, which can certainly slow things down. It is best to be up and moving and get your baby moving down where he/she needs to be! It’s not about whether or not you need to go through any pain, it’s about giving yourself the best opportunity of success. Don’t get that epidural too early!
5. Send the baby to the nursery at night so you can get some sleep before you have to go home and do it all on your own!
While I know those that told me this, had the best intentions, I have learned it is best to never let that baby leave me! We are going to go through months of sleepless nights with a newborn, what are a few days really going to matter? Having that baby with you immediately skin to skin after birth and keeping the baby near to you is so important for bonding and for increasing your milk supply. Nursing as soon as the baby is ready to nurse is the best thing you can do for your baby and your supply. Unfortunately, if the baby is in the nursery, they don’t bring the baby to you as soon as he/she starts crying. They are on a schedule and bring the baby when it’s scheduled to come. Make sure you find out if your hospital supports baby rooming in with the mother!
6. Babies can and should sleep through the night by 8 weeks old.
Oh I know I could be opening a whole can of worms with this point. I realize that many of my friends sleep train to some extent, and I am not trying to bash them in any way! I just personally have learned through each of my children that all children are different in their sleep habits and have different needs. I knew the first time I read “Babywise” that it wasn’t for me. I know some people swear by it, but I chose not to do it. I am okay with my babies not sleeping through the night by 8 weeks because I don’t believe it is necessary or even the right thing for them. I have heard too many stories about babies not thriving and nursing supplies being damaged.
7. Never co-sleep, it’s dangerous!
Along with this, I was told to get my baby used to the crib as soon as possible. Unfortunately, there is so much misinformation out there about co-sleeping. When following safe guidelines, I actually believe it is safer for a baby to be in the bed with you than to be in a crib far away.
8. If you respond to your baby’s cries immediately, you will spoil him/her.
Let’s just put this one to rest once and for all, shall we? You will not spoil your baby. You are showing your baby love by immediately responding to their needs. Yes, as they grow older, you will learn why they are crying. They may not always need to be fed when they cry and so on. You will figure it out as you go. Just respond, and figure it out! Letting them cry isn’t going to “teach them a lesson.” I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even get the lesson!
What I have learned over the years is to take care of your own decisions regarding birth and parenting. It’s okay to get advice from others, but always make sure you do your own research and be prepared to make the right decisions for you and your family!
I’ve been thinking back to when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Oh that seems to be so many moons ago, but really it was only about 8 years ago! In the past 8 years I have learned so much about pregnancy, birth and parenting as I have lived through it, through experiences both good and bad. You learn from your mistakes, you pick up and move on. I have thought about all of the “bad advice” I was given as a new Mom to be. Please do not misunderstand my tone in this. I am not trying to say that these people were bad or trying to steer me wrong. I believe they all had very good intentions, but just may have been ill informed. I will highlight my top 8 “bad advice” given and what I have learned through trial and error.
- You MUST read “What to Expect while you are expecting”! It’s like the Bible of all things Pregnancy and Birth!
2. Just trust your Doctor. He/She only has your best interest in mind.
I know if you know me well enough or have been following my blog, you know that I am NOT anti-Doctor. I have an amazing Doctor that I love and trust completely now. Unfortunately, not all Doctors do have your best interest in mind. My first Doctor did not. When I look back to my first two cesarean births, I see that they were both performed in the 6:00 hour, quitting time so to speak. I don’t believe that had anything do with my best interest, but rather my Doctor’s best interest. There are plenty of other things I could list where she did not act in my best interest throughout my pregnancy and deliveries. But I won’t bore you with those details. The bottom line is this: not all Doctors are acting in your best interest, so you need to be educated and ready to fight for the birth you desire! You need to be your own advocate and know what you do and don’t want. If you don’t feel that your Doctor (or Midwife for that matter) is on the same page as you and your partner, it may be a good idea to find a new one! That is why education early on in your pregnancy is so important. Know the pros and cons of everything and decide early on what matters to you in your birth. Because it is YOUR birth, not your provider’s birth! Remember that.
3. Just get an induction! You can decide the day that your baby is born.
Oh man, if there was ever a bad advice given, this would be it. Just say no to induction unless it is truly medically necessary (which more often than not, it is not!) A big baby is not a reason for an induction. Going past your estimated due date is not a reason for induction (unless you are at 42 weeks or more.) Yeah, I get that pregnancy is a pain at the very end, quite literally. I remember how unbelievably miserable I was three days before my “due date” with my first baby. I was done and didn’t want to be pregnant a day longer. Of course I jumped the first second my Doctor even mentioned the word induction! The truth of the matter is, had I waited just a little bit longer, my baby may have come on his own and I may have avoided that first cesarean. Induction will not work if the baby is not ready to come yet, plain and simple. I get it. We are impatient, tired, and just plain ready when it comes to the very end. Just hang on a little bit longer there mama. No one has ever been pregnant forever! I promise!
4. Just go ahead and get the epidural right away. Why go through any of the pain if you don’t have to?
With my first, I never felt a single contraction. I was given the epidural even BEFORE I was officially induced! I was just lying in bed all day waiting for things to happen. Unfortunately, from what I have learned now, that was a bad idea. Even if you plan to have an epidural, it is best to wait until a little bit later in labor to get it. My Doctor says to wait until 5-6 cm dilated. It is often disputed whether or not the epidural can physically slow down labor progress. I won’t get into all that. The fact of the matter is that lying on your back all day can certainly slow down the labor progress! If you have the epidural early on, you are limited in your movement, which can certainly slow things down. It is best to be up and moving and get your baby moving down where he/she needs to be! It’s not about whether or not you need to go through any pain, it’s about giving yourself the best opportunity of success. Don’t get that epidural too early!
5. Send the baby to the nursery at night so you can get some sleep before you have to go home and do it all on your own!
While I know those that told me this, had the best intentions, I have learned it is best to never let that baby leave me! We are going to go through months of sleepless nights with a newborn, what are a few days really going to matter? Having that baby with you immediately skin to skin after birth and keeping the baby near to you is so important for bonding and for increasing your milk supply. Nursing as soon as the baby is ready to nurse is the best thing you can do for your baby and your supply. Unfortunately, if the baby is in the nursery, they don’t bring the baby to you as soon as he/she starts crying. They are on a schedule and bring the baby when it’s scheduled to come. Make sure you find out if your hospital supports baby rooming in with the mother!
6. Babies can and should sleep through the night by 8 weeks old.
Oh I know I could be opening a whole can of worms with this point. I realize that many of my friends sleep train to some extent, and I am not trying to bash them in any way! I just personally have learned through each of my children that all children are different in their sleep habits and have different needs. I knew the first time I read “Babywise” that it wasn’t for me. I know some people swear by it, but I chose not to do it. I am okay with my babies not sleeping through the night by 8 weeks because I don’t believe it is necessary or even the right thing for them. I have heard too many stories about babies not thriving and nursing supplies being damaged.
7. Never co-sleep, it’s dangerous!
Along with this, I was told to get my baby used to the crib as soon as possible. Unfortunately, there is so much misinformation out there about co-sleeping. When following safe guidelines, I actually believe it is safer for a baby to be in the bed with you than to be in a crib far away.
8. If you respond to your baby’s cries immediately, you will spoil him/her.
Let’s just put this one to rest once and for all, shall we? You will not spoil your baby. You are showing your baby love by immediately responding to their needs. Yes, as they grow older, you will learn why they are crying. They may not always need to be fed when they cry and so on. You will figure it out as you go. Just respond, and figure it out! Letting them cry isn’t going to “teach them a lesson.” I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even get the lesson!
What I have learned over the years is to take care of your own decisions regarding birth and parenting. It’s okay to get advice from others, but always make sure you do your own research and be prepared to make the right decisions for you and your family!
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